Silver Mullet

Joey "The Shears" makes the cut.

What every girl dreams of....

Honorable Mention goes to Kill Shot Christi.
















Sure, none of them have mullets now, but their children will.

The Most Dangerous Game

I've really appreciated all of your letters of concern, but no I haven't been the terminal victim of a brutal mullet backlash. But if I had be assured it would be well chronicled and marketed. 'When Mullets Attack' is already copyrighted by yours truly.

Anyhow, on to the gorey details!

Sporting goods stores have long been a favorite destination of the mulleted sports enthuiast. Any sport that allows the participant to drink or eat while engaging in the activity is fair game; golfing, camping, fishing, darts, bowling, boating, and of course competitive eating and drinking all fall into this category. I managed to snag a double kill earlier today at just such a habitat, telling the staff that I was taking pictures of golf clubs to show my Dad. As you can see from their physiques they are both avid athletes

Definatley a Class 1 Frolet. The camera unforunatley couldn't capture the bounce of this bountiful mullet in motion.

Then lo and behold as I waited in the checkout line stand before me a textbook duck-tail mullet. I pursued him out into the parking lot, trying hard not to ruffle his feathers.

Zen Mullet Koan #1: If a mullet grows where no one is there to see it, is it still unsightly?

It's da balm!

More hillbilly blood lust from Kill Shot Christi!

Mullet Hunting Proverb #1

A mullet in the hand is worth two in the bush.

business up front, bridal party in the back

From "Kill Shot Christi:"

You asked the right person to be your hunting buddy. I've already struck mullet gold at yesterday's wedding in Alliance. I would consider this a rat mullet, rat tail/mullet. That's also his Hummer (the bridal party mobile).

Nicely played, Christi! That's a shot fit for the trophy room indeed. Just one minor foible with your classification. Though often mistaken for the rat mullet, this rodent rat's nest is actually its' coon cousin, termed the Coonskin Mullet or the lesser known Davy Crockett Mullet.

"Born on a mountain top in Tennessee,
Greenest state in the land of the free.
Raised in the woods so's he knew every tree,
Killed him a bear when he was only three."

single white mullet seeks the 1980's

"Maggie The Magnum" stumbled into the den of this next victim. Nuzzled among the infamous craigslist personals (a well known final refuge for those too tragic to score a date and too cheap to pay for eharmony) she found this lonely vice president of the John Stamos Fan Club. Let's see how he describes himself:

"Sensual, eclectic, somewhat spontaneous, creative, accepting, very sexually expressive, drama-free swm, 40, near downtown Columbus seeking a single/divorced woman with a zest for life ... someone who appreciates the almost-hidden nice things found in quiet mornings, catching some porn, and enjoying a warm embrace for the world to see ... experiencing new and different things ... throwing on some 'oops, are they ripped?' jeans and exploring life's little nothings and notions .... enjoying the simple things and not caring about the size of one's wallet or home ... a lady who values terms of endearment and kisses in the grocery store and being a little 'nasty' at times and having yummy desserts at midnight ... someone equally expressive and appreciative of life's little things ... because life is simply too short .... so come on, let's find out ... Good grief ... where are you hiding?"

(uncanny, isn't it?)

Yes ladies, if you enjoy sharing the almost-hidden nice things found in a quiet morning -like catching some porn- you can (and should) contact John at his second-hand bistro at: pers-329480380@craigslist.org

Ladies, play your cards well with this one, he has a Full House!

The Whammy

This Mullet, seen exiting from a gas station on a tobaccy chew run, nearly eluded capture as another Mullet attempted to bewitch me with his shiny belt buckle. This hot crotch Sunoco gas station was a hub of Mullet activity and they were working together in a half witted fervor to evade capture. I snapped out of the belt buckle trance long enough to snag this Mullet, before the pack of Mullets receded back into their concealed environment of daytime television and large women in mumus.

Mullet Hunting Hint #8

When mullets roam in packs, one's mind must be keened like that of the edge of the Mullet barber's sheers.

Tell Tale Socks

Mullet Hunting Hint #7:

If you're not sure if the target has a mullet or not, check their feet. Mullets don't wear socks.

Muties

In many parts of Ohio the mullet breed compulsively and uncontrollably. In overpopulated habitats, such as county or state fairs and amusement or trailer parks, mutations can and do occur. Note the small bald woman fused to this mullet's thoracic vertebrae.

Mullet Hunting Hint #6:

Please, get your mullet spade or neutered.

Miss Green Jeans

Someone told this poor woman that green was thinning. It's not.

Mullet Hunting Hint #5:

When you're out hunting mullet, sometimes you'll bag an Ooompa Loompa or a Douche Bag and that's also fair game.

The migratory habits of the male pattern mullet

This mullet ponders where his hair went.

Mullet Hunting Hint #4:

The migration of the mullet from the top of the head to the base of the skull is a rare and wonderful thing to shoot.

Camo-mullet

I caught this mullet camouflaging itself under a Skid Row baseball cap in an attempt to better blend with the civilized animals. I was not to be fooled! Anyone who still listens to Skid Row has gotta have a mullet.

Mullet Hunting Hint #3:

Capturing a friend or loved one with the victim makes a great Christmas or Kwanzaa card. Not so much Hanukkah.

A mullet by any other name...

Mullet Classification:

Genus: Mullet (Homo mulletis)

Class: Fullet (Fulletis erectis)

Subclass: Skullet (Skulletis hillbillicus)

Mullet Hunting Hint #2:

A hard to spot mullet is all the more rewarding.

Inbred Family Fued

I bagged these mullet mates at Cedar Point. I don't consider myself to be super patriotic, but what she's done to ol' glory is surely a crime... then I have to remind myself that mullets can't be held accountable for what they do in the same way a monkey can't be held accountable for flinging poo. Bad taste is hardwired into their DNA.

Mullet Hunting Hint #1:

If the mark looks at you as you're taking the kill shot, avoid direct eye contact as this will stir aggresion in the target. Of course mullet germs are an inevitable consequence of even the slightest of gazes, so proper sanitation techniques for you and your camera must always be observed. An injection of penicillin or bleach is also favored.